All of the students at our school are given English names. I’m not sure of the real reason behind this, but I suspect it has something to do with exposing the kids to as much English as possible and yadda yadda yadda. Whatever the reason, it works out great for me because I don’t have to sort out which kid is Lee Joon-sook and which one is Lee Jin-seuk. I can try to differentiate them in terms that I’m more familiar with. Some of the kids come to school with an English name that someone has already given them or they chose for themselves. The rest of them – the poor nameless souls – are given names by their first teacher. These titles are by no means carved in stone, but there’s a good chance the kid will have this name for much of their youth, if not the rest of their life.
So I have once class of brand new students, ranging in age from probably 5 to 8 American age (7 to 9 Korean age, but that’s another posting). Two of these girls came to school with no English name so it was left to me to name them. I’m not sure how it compares to naming your own child, but this was a very weird feeling. I mean - there’s a lot of personality associated with a name, so in some sense I’m giving these girls a personality as much as I’m giving them a name. That’s a lot of pressure.
Luckily I was told that I was going to have to name these kids, so I had some time to prepare. I looked around the school at some of the other classes and the names that those kids have. I was surprised to find how many classes resembled lists of characters from American TV shows. There’s a class with the casts of Friends, and one with the casts Dawson’s Creek and 90210, complete with a Pacey and a Dawson. Oh, it gets worse. There’s a Cosby Show class, with a Theo, Rudy, and a Cliff. I’ve also heard rumors of a Simpsons class, but I haven’t met the unfortunate souls named Bart, Homer, and Marge. This practice may seem harsh, and I agree that sticking a kid with Bart for the rest of his English-speaking life is downright cruel, but how else would you go about naming a kid that you haven’t met before? I could pick names out of a hat, but that would be a name completely void of significance for anyone. I could give them the name of a good friend or family member, but that’s a weird association for me. What if the kid I thoughtfully named after my sister turned out to be a complete pain in the ass?
So naturally I decided to follow suit and name my kids after characters from my favorite show: Alias. First of all, it’s a show I really like so the names have significance for me, but more importantly, the names are mostly pretty innocuous like Will or Lauren, or (what I consider to be) pretty like Sydney. So the first little girl I named Sydney, and the second is now named Irina. Now the process for naming a child is far too simple given the long-term social implications of a name. In case you ever want to give a Korean child an English name, this is how it works. 1) Meet the child. 2) Tell the child, “Your name is _____.” 3) Write the child’s new name on the board with a dry-erase marker so they know how to spell it. And that’s that. I felt like I should have had some elaborate ceremony and knighted the child with a sword in front of the entire school, but it was just a dry-erase marker in front of three classmates.
Most of the Koreans I’ve met traveling or studying abroad have English names, and I can only wonder how many of these names were thrust upon them by a teacher who loved M.A.S.H or Laverne and Shirley. Years from now, if you meet a Korean girl named Sydney or Irina who speaks impeccable English with a slight southern accent, tell her I hope she likes her name.
From left are Irina and Sydney. The taller guy sitting uncomfortably in the ceter is me. The two on the right came to school with names already, so I kindof resent them for messing up my Alias themed classroom.
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